Ask Great Questions to Connect through Social Media

June 17, 2012 - Last Modified: March 29, 2014 by James Wood

In his book Stop Stealing Dreams, Seth Godin points out that the new economy is based on connections. The Industrial Revolution was all about productivity. Making things more…

More units. More efficient. More profit. More viewers. More. More. More.

The Connection Revolution, as Godin calls it, is not about productivity but people. It’s not about more it’s about deeper.

Deeper understanding. Deeper relationships. Deeper connections. Deeper meanings. Deeper. Deeper. Deeper.

Social media is perfectly designed for the Connection Revolution, but it’s often used like it’s a product of the Industrial Revolution….

A Twitter user is “successful” with thousands of followers.
A website is measured by its pageviews.
On Facebook, the number of friends is important, for some reason.

The problem is, more almost never equates with deeper. The Industrial Revolution is at odds with the Connection Revolution, and vice versa.

One way to change the script is to learn how to ask great questions.

In a world where everyone can have a voice, where anyone can say anything to anyone else online, there’s a lack of listeners. People can say whatever they want, but what people really want is to be heard, understood and valued.

Asking questions through social media gives the opportunity to listen, understand and value. It creates connection.

Make them the experts

Don’t ask the square root of 13. There’s only one right answer. Instead, ask how people feel about something. What their favorite thing is. Ask something that only they can answer. People like being the experts.

Don’t take sides

It’s tempting to fire off a statement about politics, religion, sports or any other polarizing topic. Instead, look for the question at the root of the debate. For example, in the political conversation over gay marriage, don’t say what you favor. Instead ask a question about the role of States’ rights or the First Amendment.

Ask about what fictitious people think

If you want to find out the real opinions that people have, don’t ask for their opinions, ask what they think other people feel. If you ask: Why do you still smoke cigarettes? You’re likely to offend and cause arguments. Instead ask: Why do you think people still smoke cigarettes? You’ll get their personal opinion but without the argument.

Start slowly

Ask easy, innocuous questions early on in the relationship to get people warmed up to answering. Don’t jump into the deep end.

Interact with the answers

Comment, value the opinions of those who respond. Thank them for responding and ask followup questions, if possible. Let them know that you’ve heard their responses and want to hear more.

Keep things as simple as possible

The more you have to set up the question, the fewer people will stick with you to the end.

Ask about experiences

People like to share stories about their lives. Ask questions that lead to stories. What’s been helpful? What have they learned? What would they do differently? Be open to getting help from people and they’ll feel valued.

What kind of questions work for you? How do you best foster connections through social media?

{ 9 Responses }

Gail says:

Nice post, reminded me to go back to basics, and the real reason for social media etc - i.e to actually engage readers and get a response on what they feel and think, and to always include them.
Samuel says:

Agree, Agree. People seem to forget what social media is all about. It is all about engagement and connections. Very good article!
Lewis LaLanne says:

Loved this one James . . . "Don’t ask the square root of 13. There’s only one right answer. Instead, ask how people feel about something. What their favorite thing is. Ask something that only they can answer. People like being the experts." People love being the expert, even if they aren't a.k.a. they love giving their opinion. I think one thing that helps make for a more open environment when asking people for their opinion is letting them know that there is no right and wrong. There are only perspectives. And at best, we ourselves, can only have a partial perspective.
- James Wood says:
  
  Thanks! You're so right that this principle cuts both ways. I don't have all the answers either, so questions help me to figure out a little bit more along the way. In the end, we all win.
Faissal Alhaithami says:

I think 'asking' has a major role to play in the social media game. People are waiting to get engaged, but you should know how to do it appropriately. For example, asking the right kind of questions on Facebook can help you gain an insight into your customers, conduct market research and engage the target market. Thanks for this wonderful post, James.
- James Wood says:
  
  Happy to share. I remember a friend getting frustrated because no one was answering his serious questions on Facebook, but my questions about shoes were getting lots of comments. It took a while for me to explain the difference between an open and a closed question.
Arjhae Nicol says:

It's not only for connecting to other people in Social Medias but It's also tackle on how to communicate to people which you barely even know. With proper interactions with people, you can get blend to them easily.
Ryan Biddulph says:

Asking questions and listening for answers is THE foundation of social media success James. Spot on post! I find asking questions which help people recount their experiences works quite well. We want to be heard. We want to tell our story. The person who listens to our story can become an important person in our lives. Thanks! Ryan
- James Wood says:
  
  The next level skill, after asking questions, is chaining questions. Learning how to dig deeper after each question and draw people out more and more. It's easy enough to go to a dinner party and ask: "What do you do?" But, when you can use their answer to spawn another question, they feel heard and want to share more and more with you.

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